Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Dumb things I’ve done this week….

Let me get this out there: I am a complete moron at times.  Throughout my day, I usually make an ass of myself 5-10 times.  AT LEAST.  That doesn’t count the other times no one has noticed what I have done or said, so really that number should be higher.  But whatever, it’s me and that’s how I roll.  I roll like a moron.  Anyway, here is a small list of dumb stuff I have done this week…and it’s only Wednesday....
1) I found a recipe on Pinterest for the most perfect sugar cookies a while back, and pinned it knowing it would come in handy someday.  Well, that day was last Sunday when I decided that I would make them for Christmas this year and be all Betty Crocker on my family’s ass.  I have never made cut-out sugar cookies before, but figured it can’t be that hard and would just go with it. I bought all the ingredients, came home, and went about my business.  For one, I don’t even own a dough roller so I had to improvise and use a water bottle.  Clever, I know.  Anyway, since I have never made these cookies I had no idea what I was doing and made half the batch too thin.  Awesome.  The recipe seriously made like a million cookies and half were too thin.  So after I was done frosting them all with homemade frosting (yeah, I did that), I tried one.  My first though was “meh”…  Could have been because I ate enough cookie dough to put me in a salmonella coma, I messed up the recipe, or the recipe was really not “the most perfect sugar cookie.”  Either way, I was not pleased.  They weren’t awful, but they were not what I was hoping for especially when the reviews on the recipe said they were “bakery quality.”  The next day at work I told a couple co-workers about my cookie making the night before, and was telling them how I didn’t care for them, how I am pretty sure I got salmonella poisoning, etc.  That night while making Kamden dinner I decided to try another cookie.  Much to my surprise they were pretty good!  I don’t know if it was because my stomach had recovered from all the cookie dough and sugar, or if this is the first time in the history of the world where fresh cookies are not better than day old cookies, but they were good.  So, with that said I brought those cookies to work today for our holiday feast after telling people that they were awful.  Merry Christmas!!!!
2) Speaking of our holiday feast, yesterday I convinced everyone that it would be funny if we all wore ugly Christmas sweaters to work today.  I even sent out an email to our department:

Hello Everyone!

For tomorrow’s holiday feast we are also welcomed to wear holiday attire.  Talking with a few people today, we thought it might be fun to wear ugly Christmas sweaters tomorrow to join in the spirit!  Hopefully we all have a sweater we can dig out of the back of the closet that will fit the part!

See you all tomorrow….hopefully looking a little something like this:

I sent this email thinking I still had an ugly sweater I wore a few years ago, but when I got home last night I couldn’t find it.  I could not show up today without wearing a sweater after I convinced my team to all wear one.  I would definitely look like a douche showing up all normal looking.  So, on my way to work this morning I took a pit-stop at Kohl’s and roamed around until I found something I could wear.  Here she is:

Yup, yours eyes are not tricking you.  That is a sweater with a picture of a dog wearing a sweater.  Apparently this is in fashion because I found it in the junior department at Kohl’s.  Also, I am pretty sure I still look like a douche wearing this damn sweater.

3) On Monday when I left work I stopped at the post office to mail off a present.  The post office is not on my normal route to pick up Kamden, so I took a different route to the sitter’s house.  A couple miles before the sitter’s house you can get on the highway to our house and without thinking I started turning on to the on-ramp to go home, without my son.  I realized what I was doing as I was jamming away to my music after it was too late to turn around.  There is not really a close exit I could take to turn around so I basically drove home and immediately turned around to pick up KB, and then drove home again.  Seriously, am I a robot?  Do I “bee-bop-boo-beep (explosion)” if I take a different path in my day? 

I am sure there are more moron moments for me this week I could list, but I think my mind is blocking them out in my favor.
Happy Hump Day!


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