Pregnancy Hormones

Last night as I was lying in bed….far later than I thought I would be when I started my day, I got to thinking about my night. A typical week night for me is picking up Kamden after work at the sitter’s house, then 9 times of out of 10 we make a stop at the grocery store or Sam’s Club, we get home, I turn on Nick Jr. to distract KB while I scrounge up some sort of dinner that he may or may not eat depending on how bad he wants a PB&J, Bud gets home from work, we play with letters/cars/read books/chase each other until it’s either bath time or time for bed.

As of the last few weeks Kamden has been REFUSING to go to bed. He flat out yells, cries, screams, throws a fit, flails out of our arms as we carry him into his room….pretty much anything that falls into the “tantrum” category goes down. What happened to our little boy that would go to bed with ease? Who would grab his blanket and his nuk and walk himself into his room when it was bedtime? Well, he has been long-gone for the past couple weeks and I miss the little guy.

Anyway, last night was no different. He fought and fought and FOUGHT going to bed. He crawls out of his crib constantly (he’s moving into a big boy bed after Xmas), cries, yells, talks, jumps in his crib, turns on his closet light from his crib, kicks the side of his crib…basically anything he can do to NOT fall asleep. I think we had to put him back to bed last night about 15 times….not exaggerating at all. Usually Bud and I switch off who gets him and puts him back because 1) it’s exhausting and 2) one of us is usually about to go ballistic on our kid. In the midst of the circus that is now KB’s bedtime, Bud had to run to the store and I was rolling solo. It had been a good 7 minutes and 34 seconds since he crawled out last, so I was starting to think we were in the clear. As I was cleaning up the kitchen and doing dishes I heard a knock on his bedroom door and as I turned the corner to try to catch him in the act I see his door creep open and him walking out with his head down, and smiling. As if the lack of eye-contact and the knock to let me know he was coming out would make him invisible….nice try kiddo. I scooped him up immediately before he could dart off down the hall and he immediately started whining and crying. This time I was going to try a different route with putting him back to bed. I picked up his blanket, draped it over my shoulder, grabbed his nuk (yes, he still sleeps with one - get over it) and laid his head on my shoulder and started singing to him. It took a few seconds, but I could feel him nuzzling into me and getting comfortable. He was quiet. He laid on my shoulder while I sang to him (You are My Sunshine, Twinkle-Twinkle Little Star, Rock-a-Bye-Baby). It was almost as if every stress I was feeling from him not going to bed was lifted right off me. I couldn’t help but think that at that moment he was my baby again instead of a crazy 2-year old toddler. I hadn’t rocked him like that or had him snuggle up to me like that in a long time. As much as I wanted to freak out about 5 minutes prior, I really wanted that moment to last forever. I know the time when he will not want to lay his head on my shoulder or when my songs won’t calm him down is coming faster than I can imagine. That moment was a reminder to just slow down and take a moment with my son. It was a reminder that those moments are going to be few and far between as he gets older and that I should take advantage of them while I can.

After about 15 minutes of rocking him and singing to him I laid him back in his crib. He was calm and didn’t throw a fit this time…..even though he still climbed out again about 5 minutes later…..

Thankfully that was the last time for the night. The time was 9:38pm.

So, as I am lying in bed last night, thinking about my all that went down, all I can picture is Kamden’s face smiling at me. That smile he gives me when I pick him up after work as he runs to me while excitedly yelling “mama!!!!” He just has the most amazing smile and biggest, brightest blue eyes. For some reason I started thinking about how it will be in a few years or so when he is older, playing sports, etc. I pictured myself sitting in the stands watching him play some sport and catching that same smile again. About how I will still be able to see that little 2-year old boy in my not-so little boy. Of course, I started bawling. Time just goes so fast and I am 25 weeks pregnant. Hormones.

It’s so easy to get stressed and caught up in sticking to a schedule or a routine as a parent. I love the nights that go according to plan because I feel so accomplished and like I actually have my life together. But, I need to also learn to love the nights that don’t. Maybe last night was a way to tell me to cherish these moments with my son because I have a little girl on the way that is going to take up a lot of my attention. Maybe it was a way to let me know that Kamden, as much as he sometimes fights it, still really needs me too. Or maybe it was God’s way of preparing me for the chaos that is having 2 kids under the age of 3. J