That One Time I Gave Birth

This very exact day, last year, is the day I gave birth to the most beautiful boy I had ever laid my eyes on.  I have told many people the story of Kamden’s birth, but figured I would put it out there so that I can look back when I get the fever (which I currently have) and remember just how much pain I was in that day.  I cringe just thinking about it.  If you are squeamish, scare easily, or whatever, you may not want to read the rest of this post.  If you are currently pregnant for the first time or thinking about it, you may also not want to read the rest of this post.  This story is QUITE the doozy…. 

During my pregnancy I didn’t really have any issues out of the norm.  I was pretty lucky that way and am thankful for that.  Well, unless you count puberty-like acne and an ogre foot an issue, I digress. 

Ogre foot in full effect

A lot of women love to be pregnant, and I didn’t mind it, but I couldn’t say I loved it.  I was always worried about what I was eating, drinking, doing, etc. as any pregnant woman should be, but I was just ready to see our baby!  I remember getting really antsy around the 7 month mark and really hoped that I would be lucky to deliver before my due date (not too early, obvi).  Well, fast forward to my due date, September 23^rd and baby boy was not ready to come out yet.  I had gone to the hospital a few days prior because I was having consistent contractions but it was all pre-labor so they sent me home.  On my due date my doctor informed me that she would be out of town the following weekend.  Since I was about ready to burst (or at least felt that way) and was so ready to have this baby we decided that she would break my water on Tuesday, September 25th at 8:00am if the baby didn’t arrive before that.  So the date was set.  I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.  My anxiousness went from a 10 to a million.  I was just so excited.  The next couple days seemed to drag and I remember lying wide awake the entire night before I would get my water broken and thinking about everything under the sun.  Then at about 6:30am I got up, showered, curled my hair, put on make-up - ya know, the necessities when you are about to deliver a baby.  I remember thinking about all the perfect pictures out there of mom’s holding their newborns, glowing, and looking great.  I totally wanted that to be me (haha).  Anyway, that entire morning getting ready I was just in a daze.  I was nervous, excited, scared, anxious, terrified, happy - everything rolled into one.  I woke up Bud and he seemed like he was in the same state as me.  We both just made our way to the car, packed up what we needed, and drove to the hospital.  Butterflies (and a baby and probably some gas) were just fluttering in my belly.  It was a beautiful day out as the sun was shining, the weather was a little cooler, and the skies were clear blue.  We were about to have a baby that day!!!!

When we got to the hospital they checked us into a triage room.  We got settled in and the nurse checked all my stats (blood pressure, heart rate, etc.) and said the doctor would be in shortly to break my water.  HOLY CRAP THIS IS HAPPENING!!!!  In my mind I assumed labor would be tough and it would take a while so I was really trying to prepare for that.  I went into the situation open to anything.  I knew that I would most likely take the epidural but said that I would wait it out and make the decision when the time comes.  At about 8:30am that morning my doctor came in and broke my water.  It seriously looked like she stuck a knitting needle up my yahoo and 2 seconds later, BAM!!, my water was broken.  It felt like a waterfall was just pouring out (yes, TMI) and with every move I made, another gush came blasting out.  I paint a beautiful picture, don’t I?  Anyway, after I let everything come out the doctor came in with an exercise ball for me to bounce around on.  I assumed that since my water was broken things would really start to pick up.  They did not.  After hours of bouncing on the ball, walking up and down the hallways (wearing a very large diaper-like contraption to catch any excess water…g-ross) nothing was really happening.  I could feel light contractions but they were not picking up.  I was only dilated to about a 2-3 at about 2:30 that afternoon - that’s 6 hours after they broke my water.  At that point they decided to start me on Pitocin (the devil) to get my contractions to pick up.  I agreed because I really wanted to get things moving as well.  So they started me on that and the contractions really picked up.  They were getting much more painful and intense.  I remember walking the halls after a little while of being on Pitocin and barely being able to stand up straight.  I went back to our room after a few laps and decided to just chill and let the contractions come on.  Well they definitely did.  I remember clenching the rails on the side of the bed while my family (mom, husband, mother in law, sisters in law, nephews, etc.) were just hanging out and watching TV. They were talking, laughing, and having a great ole time.  Meanwhile, I feel like I am about to have an exorcist moment and spin my head around and blow green vomit out of my mouth.  Lucky for them that did not happen and lucky for me that is when the nurse came in and suggested the epidural.  She checked me and said that I was still only dilated to a 3…maybe 4.  Umm, WHAT!!!??  I was certain I was at about an 8 or 9 based off the pain and knew that it was a great idea to get the epidural at that point knowing that the pain would be getting much worse. 

The epidural guy (whatever you call him - anesthesiologist?) came in and I could barely spit out words to say “yes, give me the damn drugs.”  I felt like I couldn’t breathe through the pain and contractions and then they wanted me to sit up and hunch over for the epidural.  I remember just crying and trying to move but barely could.  I finally sat up and then the nurse starts blasting me with all this info that I have to agree to.  I have no idea what she said but I am pretty sure my response was “waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhyes!”  Then I had to sign a consent form and my signature looked like a squiggly line, at most.  FINALLY, the guy gave me the goods and literally 5 minutes later I was floating on cloud 9.  It was the best thing ever.  I went from excruciating pain to ordering chicken fingers and mashed potatoes and gravy.  After the pain went away I realized I was starving, haha.  So I merrily ate my meal and was relieved that I couldn’t feel anything, thinking this would be no thang the rest of the delivery.  I was TOTALLY wrong.  More wrong than I ever have been. 

After I ate my meal the nurse checked me and saw that I was dilated to a 10.  Really, I can’t feel a thing!!??  So I started pushing.  The room cleared out and only my mom, my mother in law, the nurse, and my husband were in the room.  I gave clear instructions for them to stay by my head and to NEVER, ever ever ever ever, look anywhere lower than my waist.  My modesty was still in check at this point. 

I pushed for about 2 hours with no progress.  With not being able to feel anything I really couldn’t tell if I was pushing correctly, aka pushing as if I am taking a giant deuce.  At this point I had the highest level of Pitocin I could have and was running out of time for the epidural.  With no progress they decided to turn off the epidural so I could feel myself pushing.  I guess my pelvic bone sits a little lower and was making it really hard for Kamden to get through.  Anyway, once they turned off the epidural it was about 8pm.  It took a while for it to wear off but when it did I was in the most pain I could ever imagine.  It cannot be described because if it could be, no one would ever want to get pregnant….EVER.  I still pushed as the epidural wore off, and was still not making progress.  As it wore off and the pain got worse, the more I pushed.  I tried every position possible for my pregnant self - on my back, on my side, squatting, leaning over, on my hands and knees….nothing was making this baby come out.  Sometime as I was pushing my dignity and modesty disappeared and the “I don’t give a shit Devon” came out.  I told my sister in laws they could come in which turned into a rotation of family holding one of my legs to push.  Cray.  I remember looking at the clock around 11:30pm and thinking “I WILL have this baby today damn it!!!”  Well time passed and I kept pushing with no progress.  I remember the nurse asking me if I wanted a mirror so I could see down there…umm nothankyouverymuch.  I do not want to see World War III go down in my nether regions.  I remember watching the nurse’s face and my family’s face with every push. They could see the top of Kamden’s head and then it would go back in after I stopped pushing.  It was almost like a fishing lure bobbing up and down in the water.   (I don’t fish and have no idea why that analogy popped in my head.)  I remember looking at the clock and it was getting closer to 1am.  Holy cripes I had been in labor for a long time.  I remember just pushing, crying, and at one point I yelled “I am going to die.”  No lie.  That is exactly how I felt.  It was as if my insides were lit on fire, my hip bones were being pulled from all directions, and every muscle was torn into pieces.

The doctor was finally in the room, trying to calm me down, and just urged me to keep pushing.  I could finally hear the words, “oh my gosh he’s coming,” and it was seriously like I got a boost of adrenalin.  This baby needs to come out NOW.  I pushed, and pushed, and had one more giant push and baby boy was finally out.  They held him up for me to see and with my very first glance every ounce of pain went away.  I remember feeling so relieved and so tired and so happy all at once.  They put him on my chest and he looked at me and I was in love.  We have our baby boy.  Bud was right beside me looking at him and me and the first thing I remember him saying was, “you pick his name.”  We were going back and forth between a few names and when I looked at him I knew he was a Kamden.  It fit him perfectly.  As he was lying on my chest they stitched me up and I didn’t feel a thing.  I pushed for over 3 hours with no epidural or anything and was in such intense pain up until the very second I saw Kamden’s face.  The joy of seeing our baby boy overpowered any sort of pain I was in.  I was numb everywhere else but my heart.

When they initially held up Kamden for me to see I noticed that his head seriously looked like he was supposed to be in the movie Coneheads.  He was stuck in my birth canal for so long that his head just looked crazy.  He was 8 pounds, 9 ounces and 22 ½ inches long that night.  The next morning they measured him at 20 ½ inches long because that is how much his head went down from the night before.  After almost 18 hours of labor, Kamden was officially born at 1:44am on September 26^th, 2012. 

And that is the story of Kamden’s birth.  It was not what I expected AT ALL even when expecting the worst.  I am proud that I made it through it alive and proud that we have this beautiful baby boy to show for it.  I tell myself that I had to go through all that pain because in the end I was given a perfect baby boy.  It was so worth it and I would do it a hundred times again (well maybe just a couple more times).  And remember when I said that I wanted a perfect picture from the day I gave birth?  Well this is the best they could get and I am totally cool with that.  It’s a memory I could not possibly forget and the picture speaks a thousand words about that day/night/morning. J 

Happy Birthday Kamden Bud Hardel!!!  Your mommy and daddy love you more than we could ever tell you.  You make our lives so fun and exciting every single day.  Your smile is contagious and your eyes are the bluest I have ever seen.  Here’s to you sweet baby boy! LOVE YOU!